selfmotivations | [ somarium ] voicemail

[ There's no resistance on her part.

How is she feeling is a damn good question. She stares at the ground as if searching for an answer there, and when she can't find one she takes another heavy breath, closing her eyes. ]

Like I need a long shower.

[ That's not an an actual feeling; she's just dodging the question. Although soon after she says that she realizes that she's not given him an answer, and he deserves one for all the help he's given. ] --That is... [ She struggles to say something. ]

I'm not exactly sure what I feel.

Do...you even remember that time you were...[you know. dead.]

[ Her brow furrows. She's trying to remember, but she can't. Thinking about it results in a headache. ] ...No.

It was all... dark.

[a small breath.]

Maybe that's for the best.

[and then he lets go, the hand going to the back of his neck as he shifts a little away from her.]

Sorry—[for what, he doesn't know, but he felt like he had to apologize. maybe for delaying her or holding her back.] Let's get you out of here and then I'll get Jude.

[ When he lets go, she draws his coat around her tighter. ] No, it's fine. I'll call him. [ Since he's right that she should check into the hospital. ] He'll probably want me to stay in the hospital, too.

Honestly I think it's for the best. We have no idea how this whole "dying" and "coming back to life" thing works. Could be some strange side effects or something who knows what.

[just keep talking and walking. more he does that and not think about all of this the better. though no matter how much of a front he puts up, he's going to seem off.]

Mm. [ She nods as she walks, if a bit more slowly than usual. ]

I've never gotten a chance to... study it here. Although it did interest me when I first heard of it. [ She does notice that he's a bit off, but doesn't comment about it yet. She's distant in her mannerisms and voice as well, wanting to rest more than anything else now. ]

Somehow I'm not surprised.

[ She pauses before she responds quietly, ] It would be worthwhile to know how the dead are brought back to life, don't you think....? [ There's definitely a lot on her mind.

Down a hallway, up an elevator, soon they'll be making it to a room and she'll be speaking to a nurse to check herself in. It's all a simple matter when you're the director of a hospital, and she doesn't bother explaining how she came back to life to dream-people, anyway. ]

...Depends. Something like that could be easily abused.

Would be easily abused. [ She knows that much, but she still mused about the idea before. She sighs. ] Well, it's another opportunity lost here. [ Just like researching finding a cure. ]

It might be an opportunity better left lost, and as they say, let sleeping dogs lie.

[ She's been given a spare clothes and goes to change in the bathroom that's attached to the room. From inside: ] So.

What am I supposed to do now that I'm alive again?

[he's just leaning against a wall.]

No idea. Pick up where you left off?

[though seriously. what does a person do when something like this happens?]

[ She looks at herself in the mirror of the bathroom. Relatively speaking she appears much healthier, perhaps reset to a month or two before she died. Three months, if she's lucky, but she won't know for certain until she tests herself. She opens the door and leans against the door frame. ] And pretend that this never happened?

[ Just like, you know, how she pretended that that AU never happened or just brushed that one drunken night aside? She can't go on like this. ]

Just call it another bump in the road of life.

[there's some slight dry sarcasm there, but he doesn't know how to handle this either. with Milla, when she came back everyone, including himself, was overjoyed. they could go back to kicking Maxwell's ass and continue on their journey. but this was way too different. too...unnatural. unsettling.

he lets out a sigh.]

I don't know, Naomi. I'm still trying to get over the fact that this even happened. You dying and now standing right here talking, breathing, living? Over the span of, what, less than a week?

People talked about it like it was nothing, but I can't see it like that.

[ Her lips purse. This isn't something she wants to deal with. Maybe if she didn't or wouldn't have to suffer from the same illness again upon coming back to life she'd view it as not a big deal-- or even a benefit to this being in this place. But that's not how it is for her, so she can't help but feel disheartened. ] Perhaps if I were stronger, I'd see this as another chance to... find a cure.

[ Wow, if that didn't sound self-pitying. She smiles ruefully, shaking her head. ] Heh. Looks like I have more work cut out for me.

[well that gets her a sharp look.]

Well why don't you? See it as another chance, I mean.

[he did suggest she pick up where she left off. it was weird to think about, but kind of a practical.]

Because... [ Because she gave up? Because she doesn't have the right tools or means? ] It'd be impossible. There's nothing, no right equipment, not test subjects I can use to help my situation now.

[ This cold tone doesn't sound like her. Or, well, it doesn't sound like how she was-- but it could be that she had spoken like this before anyone knew her, back when she worked for Delphi. ]

[he straightens, looking a little harder at her.]

What are you talking about? Test subjects?

[not...a phrase he would have expected her to use.]

But even if you couldn't work on a cure here, there's still working on getting back home so you can do it there, right? And we're getting closer.

Don't you see? [ She looks at him. ] From here on out, it'll only get more difficult. I'm fighting against a battle that I've effectively already lost.

[ You know, by dying. She crosses her arms, her voice low. ] If I'm now working with a cap on time of each time I try, it's time to use different methods.

[he is not liking the sound of this. now moving toward her.]

Naomi, you're not making any sense. How is it more difficult? You've just been granted another chance at life—not many people get that, not even here.

And I realized I wasted the last years of my first chance of life going about my goals the wrong way.

[ No anger here in response, just a cool determination. Time to get back to the way she was. At least she got things done then. ]

...You can't be serious. You think you wasted your life?

I need to find a cure. I need to return home. These are two things that did not happen, no thanks to inaction.

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